Thursday 3 December 2009

Second piece of the writing styles.

As I realised my mind had wondered, I was thrown back into my whereabouts: a hall. The smell of custard puddings mixed with the air of freshly-polished wooden-floors woke-me-up to a room full of children; 200 eyes exploring my brightly coloured polka-dot dress. Before I could take-in anymore of my surroundings, I jumped into my first position: a lifeless puppet on a shelf in amongst others frozen in toy-like poses. A happy tune started dancing out of the piano and speakers, and as we came to life I felt the glowing-grins of the children’s face light-up our stage.

“The masters gone, now we’re alone. And we can tell you something that is very little known, his powers fade when he’s away. Sometimes he seems to think that we’re just made of wood!”

The words leapt out from my mouth acrobatically into a union of singing toys, signing the phrase with a wooden motion. Darting round the space, our faces big and full of expression, we mimicked Gepetto, our ignorant creator, and how he seems not to notice us four puppets. But wait! We all freeze on stage as someone enters that shouldn’t see us move. Its Gepetto, he’s forgotten his coat. Our eyes so are wide and watering slightly as they can feel the air being pushed into them as the children bounce up-and-down “the puppets are alive! They have your coat! Turn around and look!” A slap-stick sequence ensues with Gepetto conversing with the children and walking around our built-up puppet shape centrally facing the children. We mime him exaggeratedly only when his back is turned. The children’s voices rising with laughter and shouts every time we freeze upon Gepetto turning to inspected us. Just when we can no longer hold our positions, bodies trembling, Gepetto runs off stage and for a few seconds, which felt like hours, everything stops. The children’s mouths gape open, they stare at us. Leaping up and out across every part of our stage we hear them once again laugh and call at us. We sing and sign until finally the first song meets its curtain. I flop over becoming a statue of a doll. The children fall silent once again as a small man step’s forward supporting a purple curly-haired wig. After a few lines of introduction he tells the children of how the four puppets surrounding them are all puppets which at the click of a remote control, Gepetto rewinds back on in hast to name them.
“I know! I’ll name them after the vowels!” each puppet is assigned a name, and individually takes the stage to poetically tell their own tale. Next it’s me. Palms hot, back aching, and my mind a million miles per minute. I start and only stop to draw breathe.

“Pinocchiee was jolly, a rosy-cheeked silly dolly. My voice it belts and hits the notes, always off-key so I’m pleased not to gloat. I think myself an undiscovered star, which will be spotted from afar. But instead everyday I’ll spread joy to every puppet and every toy.”

This doll draws a big smile and gleams to the children. They mirror and copy with ear-to-ear, some missing milk teeth. This is the point my stomach stops churning, and I cool down. And as I prepare for the next fifty minutes I realise we’re only minutes in and it’s already the best performance of the piece so far.

5 comments:

  1. hey Sarah i loved the way that i could picture school and it helped the way you was talking about how the school felt for you when you 1st went in. one of main things i like in it was that i could picture the show with out even seeing the real thing for myself. really good piece i know can not wait for the next one

    Murat

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  2. Sarah good description and narrative. I get a little lost in the larger piece of text... I just commented on Lara's blog http://davittlaura.blogspot.com/ about that aspect. Your piece makes me feel like I am a performer... like the ending - maybe tweaking to really make that text resonate. Paula

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  3. Sarah

    Good first draft of your descriptive piece, I argee with Paula that you need to break up the larger text into smaller sections so its easier for the eye to read.
    Also I think nearer to the end of the piece you lose your descriptive words, I think maybe you could put a few more in so the reader can really, smell, see, hear, and feel what you are.
    Laura

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  4. Hi Sarah!

    This piece is beautiful!
    I felt I could really picture it and connect with it, I am currently doing children’s panto, so your description fully describes many a feeling ive felt. Very realistic and very vivid, a great inspiration for my piece.

    You have a small spelling mistake "sing and sign (sing?) until finally the first song meets its" curtain.
    I feel that it would be easier to imagine and read if you have some more pauses, as this gives the mind time to picture what your saying before we go on to the next piece.
    Well done though a lovely piece

    Hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas

    Take care

    Donna
    x

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  5. thanks for your thoughts on my piece donna!
    the spelling "mistake" you referred to is meant to say sign (BSL sign language) but as you pointed it out able i should make this clearer.

    had a lovely christmas thank you! hope you did too.

    sarah c

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