i have continually tried to comment since the first time i commented you writing piece, however, the computer will not let me!
so heres to hoping you see this blog and comment back if you wish.
(about your writing style three draft one)
well done on this piece. you've chosen to look at a very interesting angle of peter pan. i love how you've combined facts from the author, and your own views on the story line/characters.
i think just to push your piece to being excellent, you should look at other peoples views on these issues too, use quotes etc and don't forget to reference them.
this piece screams that you have alot more to say, and i can sense that you did not want to write too much. but i think what you have is so interesting and clever that if you do you should put alittle bit more in.
(about your writing style one draft two)
i loved it! really well done. you've vastly improved the text that was already an enjoyable read, made it more acessable to a reader and absolutely made me want to watch the film!
i don't feel you need any further improvements to this piece.
i hope you get to read this and it helps!
sarah c
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